Category Archives: Career Advice

Unsolicited Advice

Posted on December 12, 2011 by | Leave a comment

I considered launching a website this month called “Unsolicited Advice.”  The “About Us” section would read: Unsolicited Advice is a chronicle of the myriad of unsought after tips, ideas, opinions, and suggestions people offer up regarding not-their-own future.  This site is a forum for examining the tenability of the claims.  More specifically, it would be documenting the journey of one particular post-graduate student [yours truly] from graduation to employment.  Comments are welcome.

The impetus for this site was the fascinating amount of rather useless unsolicited advice I have received since graduating from graduate school.  Mind you, dear readers, I have been a proud M.A. recipient for an apparently gasp-worthy two weeks.  Before I could even take a moment to exhale from the painful amount of work that went into receiving that degree (not to mention, concurrently interning and doing research), I was verbally bludgeoned by friends, family, and acquaintances.

Those who were succinct and clear about my direction told me I should write a book, open a tattoo removal business, consult to pharmaceutical companies regarding clinical trials, be a clinical psychologist, and apply to be a notary. Then there were the bizarrely nebulous suggestions that proved to be the most useless such as: work for a nonprofit, narrow down my research interests, expand my interests, publish something, go out on my own, and go volunteer somewhere.   By and large, the most common piece of unsolicited advice I received was, “You should go back to school. With the economy the way it is right now, it’s a good time to be in school. Ride it out.” These individuals seem to ignore the fact that I just finished doing exactly that.

The odd part of all this is not the ineffectual advice.  The advice itself is irrelevant. I think any grad student can attest to being the recipient of unwarranted career recommendations that tend to be immaterial to your end goal.  The business people tell you to get out of academia, the academics tell you to get more research experience, the researchers tell you to get more published, and your mom tells you to get some sleep.   What is relevant is why people seem to be soliciting advice.  Is there an implication that those who finish graduate school without a job are directionless? That we are wandering aimlessly in unemployment? That we are acting as leeches on the economy?  I am not sure.

It is amazing to me, though, how few unsolicited advice-givers have stopped to ask me what my degree is actually in or why I went to graduate school in the first place. These bits and pieces of information just might be relevant…in the meantime, I am off to research becoming a notary…

~Margo Aaron

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Posted in Career Advice, Career Big Picture, Graduate School

If I only had a…

Posted on February 17, 2011 by | Leave a comment

In psychology, we define “rationalizing” as a way of using reason as a defense mechanism to avoid confronting the true source of our discontent. Rationalizations allow us to effectively deny, consciously or unconsciously, reality.

In careerology,  there is a particularly dangerous type of rationalization that functions as a socially acceptable method of discussing why we are not where we want to be in life.  It is the one where your friend says, “Well, it would be different if I only had a [insert: new job, boyfriend, different apartment, law degree, MBA, different boss, more effective trainer, a car].” If we only had a [insert desired acquisition], then we wouldn’t be in debt, overweight, lonely, stuck in a mediocre job, etc etc etc.

Tempting right? And not all together false.  Things would be different if we had what you think is missing in your life.  That is not to say they would be better.

The problem with this rational is that it places the responsibility on external forces permitting you to take zero accountability for the life you live. Like any rationalization, “If I only had a…” allows us to avoid looking at the real issue: ourselves.

Relying on external change is not the answer (with a few exceptions, those being extenuating circumstances, ei – you’ve had mono and physically could not go to the gym for a month).  If we are waiting for “something, anything” to happen in order for our situation to improve, we are going to be waiting a long long time.

In order to create our new future, we must start by asking ourselves not what we think we want, but what do we have now? How can we actively make behavioral change in pursuit of our goals, instead of rationalizing?

-Margo Aaron

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Posted in Career Advice, Career Hurdles, New Future

Practice What You Preach

Posted on December 31, 2010 by | Leave a comment

A few weeks ago I grew curious as to what information is actually being dispersed to students when they seek out their career center.  I decided to do the dirty work myself (instead of passively reading about it) and made an appointment at a career center with a certified career counselor.

I sat down at my appointment eagerly expecting the least from my counselor. I anticipated he would be useless and likely feed me his shpiel about why I should take the Myers-Briggs….again.  The poor unsuspecting man sat down and asked how he could help me.

“Listen,” I said, “I have always been 110% committed to getting my PhD and pursuing a career in research.  [insert my explanation of my research interests here].  However, (dramatic pause) what if I decided to not immediately pursue my PhD and instead graduate with an MA? What can I do with an MA in developmental psychology?”  He looked at me and replied, “Well, what are your skills?” I metaphorically rolled my eyes, I congratulated myself on predicting that this consultation would be useless.

“No no,” I scoffed at him, “that is not what I am asking. This is not about my strengths.  I am asking what I can do with this degree, as opposed to a PhD. I am not asking you about my skills. What can I do with this MA? What will it allow me to do?” Again, he looked at me with a straight face and said, “You can do whatever you want, it depends on your skills.”

Instead of getting frustrated, I decided to hear him out. He explained that the degree merely represented that I was capable and that I could parlay the skills I acquired in the program (or had previously) to any job I wanted.  The answer to my question was at the intersection of what I wanted and what I was capable of doing.

I had seen my MA as limiting.  That I was now confined to a specific industry for the rest of my life.  He saw it as limitless.  An indicator of my academic prowess and intellectual capacities.  I saw it as closing doors, he saw it as opening them. I sat there in shame realizing I was guilty of hubris.  I swallowed my words.

Here I was thinking and writing about careers and, yet, I had apparently never stopped to apply what I knew to my own career.  Even if I was going for “research,” my questions were sincere.  I wondered how many of us talk and talk and talk and never practice what we preach? Why are we so quick to offer advice, but not take it?

I knew better than to view my career so myopically.  And, yet, there I was dismissing the truth staring my in the eye. After that appointment, I made it my mission to hold a mirror to myself and my actions.  I asked myself the tough questions and forced myself to be as brutally honest as possible about the answers. I wanted my past experience to matter, even if it was out of sync with my current goals.  I should have been focusing on my skills, strengths, and natural talents.

It is a process. And it requires constant revision. And there is nothing wrong with that.

-Margo Aaron

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Posted in Career Advice, Career Big Picture, Career Options, Strengths, Talent

Thanksgiving Family Hangover

Posted on November 30, 2010 by | 1 Comment

We all claim to look forward to that wonderful holiday time of year when pumpkin spice lattes are back at Starbucks and our bosses don’t really notice when we leave an hour early the entire week prior to Thanksgiving.  For many of us, however, despite our elation at having time off, we dread the holiday season due to one giant unavoidable factor: family.

With every family there reaches that moment when lines are crossed, judgments seep out, and people begin to get offended.  That’s right, the moment they ask you about your career.  The questions start off benign.  “How is work treating you? Are you still with that firm?”  Somewhere within the conversation the tone turns toxic and the judgments ensue.  “So, is your paralegal certification a stepping stone for law school?” “You should think about getting your broker’s license.” “You know, your mother was a doctor, not a nurse, and she had time for her family.”

The toxicity of these statements doesn’t tend to hit you until the next week. That is the week you experience the Thanksgiving Family Hangover.  Like with any hangover, you look back at the night before and immediately regret all of your (in this case, career) decisions and you feel like crap.  You question your intentions and your direction and you walk down the path of excessive self-loathing.

But just like any night of excessive drinking, you cannot undo what has already been done.  And in this case, you can prevent the hangover from ruining your day/week/life.  To combat the hangover you must remember one critical truth:  it is your life. It is not your grandma’s, not your Aunte Mae’s, and not your highly successful older brother’s.  You define what works for you.

Keep the toxic comments in perspective.  You don’t want to be a lawyer, you are happy with your assistant position right now, and despite what your cousin may think, you know your mom was not around when you were growing up because she was always at the hospital.  If you are honest with yourself about what you want and what works for you (not your family), the hangover should pass in a matter of minutes.

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Posted in Career Advice, Career Reflection, Doing what you want, family, Vacation

The Ugly Truth

Posted on September 16, 2010 by | Leave a comment

You know the phrase.  The one your parents fed to you since you were born.  The one that inflated your ego with undue entitlement and self-esteem.  You know the one: “Yes, honey, you can be what ever you want.” Like most of us, I took this at face value and sought out to be whatever I wanted.

The first career I tested out was show business. After countless performances in front of live audiences in my parents’ living room, I was forced to face the reality that I did not have any talent. The only thing I could do rather effectively was boss people around on stage.

My next career choice was not uncommon for those of us from Texas, “I want to be an astronaut!” That dream persisted for years until the painful discovery that math and physics were not my strongpoint.

The truth of the matter is that we cannot be whatever we want.  I will never be a singer, I will never be a dancer, and I certainly will not be an astronaut.   These truths are not reflections of my hopeless pessimism; they are simply the ugly truth.

Coming to terms with the ugly truth has turned into a lifetime of learning what I can do.  For example, my early discovery that I was bossy led me to discover a talent in delegation.  Searching for jobs that allow me to utilize that skill has proven fruitful in an array of fields.

All to often I find people obsessed with what they think they want without any thought to what they are actually capable of doing.  They get caught in a lifetime of overcompensating and feelings of inadequacy.   Face the ugly truth. Knowing our strengths from our weaknesses is a critical part of discovering the correct career match.

- Margo Aaron

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Posted in Career Advice, Strengths, Talent